This post is more for my eyes only.. but I figure I will put it out there for all who are supporting me during this time..
They say God does not give us more than we can handle.. and that we are supposed to learn something from the challenges HE gives… So I have been thinking of the lessons I am learning from the Pain I have been feeling. It God Trying to prepare me for something bigger (that’s the only thing I can think of because why else would I be going through this now?)
So If there is something bigger coming and believe me I think I have figured out what it is.. How will I endure it? They say I must have Faith to endure because that is the only way.
But is my Faith Strong enough to get through this? and if it is will it be strong enough to get me through the next thing? It seems after I have just recovered from one lesson learned.. I am handed another one to learn.. I know that’s life but its hard.. I find that I used to have just as many strifes before I focused so much on my faith.. and I never had as much trouble getting over them as I do now.
I know I have scared some people when I say I’m struggling with Faith right now.. I do believe and I know God will help me through this.. But I just wonder if I will be strong in the future. If I am losing it this much now.. How will I be next time and the next? I know there is no direct answer and I have to look to my faith and Heavenly faith to work through that.. but I think that scares me..
So for those of you who are helping me out, please know that my strength is wavering just like my faith.. but That I do trust and I know that with time it will heal.. But I can’t guarantee that next time I won’t break.
So I will use faith to work through this… and be strong But I am hoping that I can learn to be even strong.. because when that BIG one does come.. I’m not sure that HE will have prepared me enough to deal with it!