Trying to figure out the “me” in Me…

I’m shy, I’m outgoing, I’m standoffish, I’m open, I’m friendly, I’m oblivious.. In short I’m me and I can’t figure that out..

This post is more for my eyes to try figuring out a strategy and to enlighten myself on who I really am.. If you care, continue to read, other wise you can bow out.. Now.. Otherwise feel free to comment with advise and words of wisdom..

I’m a Sales manager by Trade.. My job is to be social, interactive with people. I have no trouble in a work environment walking up to strangers and being friendly.. People in my work community do not believe that there can be a shy bone in my body.

But when the day is done and I am on personal time, I am the shyest thing I know.. I hate walking into a room by myself and trying to strike up a conversation, I have been told that I act very standoffish during these situations. I have attended Single events and just can’t bring myself to be open.

A friend of mine claims that I know how to work a room, but she has only seen me at work events, I have another friend who has seen me at single events and she feels I shine. But unfortunately, it just does not get portrayed that way.

In personal situations, like at church or events that are on a personal level, I am typically focused on the end result.. I.E. I have to do XYZ, or my mind is focused on something else, and I miss the people around me.. Now people at church may disagree, and some may agree. But in situations where I seem very open, I am usually focused on being the type of person that is friendly, social and outgoing. I have made a point to be who you want me to be.

Maybe its all an Act and I just need to put that Act into play all the time and refocus my mind. That can be very exhausting and at the end of it all, I would just be a Bitch. Realistically  I can’t figure it out, and it really bothers me when people say that I am stuck up, or standoffish. I want friends, but for some reason, just can’t be the friend you want me to be.

So Question here, How do I step out of this, How do I do it all without stepping too far out of who I want to be, and who I really am?

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2 thoughts on “Trying to figure out the “me” in Me…

  1. I don’t know, i’ve been trying to figure that out myself. I feel that when I am at school or being with people that I will know for awhile that maybe intimidate me, I am acting friendly. I can’t seem to help it, but then I over think. And then I become even more awkward then before. People say that I am optimistic and friendly, I feel like an actress listening to applause. (that didn’t make much sense… Sorry.)

    • Honestly, it makes perfect sense.. and I am glad to hear I’m not alone.. I totally feel like I’m acting all the time.. which in some ways is good.. since I am a really bad once in a blue moon actress!!! 🙂

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