The rain is falling, soft but steady and for the first time that I can remember in Southern California, the rain is warm. I stand in the middle of the lonely, dark street, arms stretched out and eyes closed, hoping for feelings to go away and for the tears to stop. If anyone could see me, they would not be able to differentiate the tears from the rain.
Somehow, I have managed to isolate myself from everyone and everything in my life. I have made decisions, that I just can’t take back. Standing here in the rain, I can’t go back.. nor will I. I don’t think of those I’ll leave behind as I beg and ask for an end.
I open up my eyes, and look at him. I know that he is getting restless, waiting for me to decide what I want to do. His face hides all emotion and I know that the love that once was there is gone. It makes this hurt that much more. But I also know he is the only one that will follow through.
Quietly, he asks;” is this really what you want?” In my mind, I search for the answer as I allow the rain to continue to soak through to my bones. Small sobs escape my lips, abandoning the composure I tried showing. Silence fills the air again and I close my eyes.
The rain continues it’s quiet cleansing of the Earth. But sadly the rain can not wash away all that has been done, all that has been said….. and it can’t take away my request.
Thunder breaks the silence and with a start, I know I have to make the decision now. There is no turning back, I came this far and there is no one who will stop me now.
I open my eyes, turn my face to the sky and know that the two words I am about to say will change our life’s forever…