Twenty Years Later.. Does it Matter?

My 14 year old daughter just started 10th grade.. 2o years later, the same high school I went to, and it has me thinking. There are many things I did than that I am grateful my daughter has not followed in my footsteps. There are decisions that I made, friendships I ruined and things I did that sent me on a spiraling course that has lead me to today. 

Hindsight is better than foresight,, and I truly wonder if 20 years go, if my actions, words and deeds had been diferent, where would I be, how would my life be different and would any of it really matter. 

I do know that if I had treated school differently, I would definatly be in a different career path, but does that mean I would be happier? or could destiny just put me in the same position, stuck dealing with the same financial situations, and stuck down the same road? 

I can tell you that I do regret my decisions on my friendships, though some how through the 20 year it appears some of those friends have forgiven me, and it appears that nothing that happened all those years ago really matter.

There are paths I chose that I would not change, I would not change the path that lead me to having my daughter, and maybe if I had made the choices in my liife that I claim I would want to change, I would never have been given the opprtuniy to have my beautiful, not so little girl. 

So 20 years ago, does t really matter, would you go back and change any thing? Or do you feel that destiny helps you to make the choices and mistakes that will bring you to the things you love most, and care the most for. The things you would die for. 

2 Words of Advice.. WALK AWAY

photo credit: KatinkaBille via photopin cc

photo credit: KatinkaBille via photopin cc

It seems over the last year I have heard many discussions, between Radio, Television and the Worldwide Web, about giving your “Younger Self ” Advice.

CBS News has a brilliant feature called “Note to Self” where accomplished people write notes to their younger selves, imparting all the wisdom that they’ve learned in the years since.  What advice & words of wisdom would you give to your younger self?  Would the wiser, older you tell the younger you to give yourself a break & to stop being so hard, judgmental & critical of yourself?  Think about it.  And watch the video below to find out what advice Oprah Winfrey gives in a note to her younger self.  It’s really inspirational & motivational, so be sure to also share this blog with your friends…

Read more:

The Radio Station, 104.3 MyFm, that I listen to in the morning, had a conversation maybe 1-2 months ago, where they asked listeners to call in with only 2 words that they would give as advice. Here are some of the comments I remember;

  • Finish School
  • Have fun
  • Work harder
  • Work less
  • Save money
  • Listen more

There are several of these I would say I can give my Younger self, as well as any Teen out there. And probably more that I can think of.

Now I can tell you.. I would not have listened to myself or to anyone elses, I mean I didn’t listen to my mom so why would I listen to my own advice.  But after thinking long and hard the 2 words that have stuck in my mind are “Walk Away”.

You may be ask yourself, “Walk Away”? Really, that is what you would say? But there are so many things walking away would have saved me from. Here are some examples of what I did….(and I pray no one will want to try any of them!)

  1. When the troubled girls who were not my friends decided to take a “Day trip” .. I should have walked away and done the right thing.. That turned into a MAJOR problem and 24 hours later I was the one that paid the heavy price. (and the long grounding that followed)
  2. “When in Rome right, You do what the Romans do”.. Well, not really, and I learned first hand how much trouble that can get you into.. When a 3 day weekend at school came up and it was Friday night and time to go.. when the crew of “Friends” you are hanging with decides that staying at school and “throwing a party” is the right thing to do, even though my ride stayed, I should have walked away and found another way home.. I can tell you I found out who my friends were that night, I found out how made mom can be and how much trouble staying after the teachers leave can get you . (Especially when “We” were trusted to leave by a certain time and lock up!)
  3. “If everyone Jumped off a bridge, would you? ” Gosh I heard this a lot when I was younger.. and I never learned.. No, I did not jump off a bridge (though it sure did feel like it by the end of everything!).. But I did not learn to “Walk Away” when I should have.. I was a follower and trouble was all I followed.

There are many other examples I can share (or should I say really bad decisions?)And instead of really incriminating myself I think I will move on to the rest of what I have to say!

I truly feel that this is great advice for the young people out there, but as an adult I truly feel this advice might have saved me a lot of heartache, stress and hassle. and still can!


photo credit: TempusVolat via photopin cc

photo credit: TempusVolat via photopin cc

Examples of Epic Fails are!

photo credit: deeplifequotes via photopin cc

photo credit: deeplifequotes via photopin cc



1. When the Man I loved decided to See other women, I should have walked away instead of trying everything to convince him to stay..

That one ended up in very bad heartache and years later I can tell you that in some ways I regret the decision, but in other ways I am grateful because to this day and I say I gave him many options and opportunities!



2. When the going gets tough… I should have walked away. Things were bad at work.. I was over worked, under appreciated and Instead of Quietly walking away.. I blew up.. That cost me a job I loved, as well as financial difficulty and pain!

In my life I find that there are many times I should “walk away” and I am starting to learn how.. It has taken 30 years to teach myself but I am hoping that someone out there can learn.

No matter what happens if you know in your heart of hearts that it’s wrong, or that its going to hurt you in the long run, WALK AWAY.

If what you are doing could hurt someone else, Or if it could end up the biggest mess of all.. WALK AWAY!

After years of Experience.. I think I have this down!!

photo credit: Brett Jordan via photopin cc

photo credit: Brett Jordan via photopin cc



Teacher Appreciation

Every year our students have the opportunity to Thank their teachers.. This year it snuck up on me and sadly.. I forgot to have my daughter do something for her teachers! But I realized that even after being out of school over 10 years, that I need to thank those who made SUCH a big impact on my life. So here goes…

In 2nd Grade, I had an amazing Teacher- Her name was Ms. Willis and she was the most amazing, kind woman. 2nd grade was a hard transition year for me in my life, and this women would deal with my tantrums, my antics and even my attitude (Yes it started young) I know my mom remembers well, and so do I , a time I refused to get on the bus. I have no recollection of why.. and mom if you know don’t remind me.. But My mom walked up to the school to find my Loving teacher sitting patiently on the Bench while I hide underneath. This teacher taught me a love for imagination, reading and the difference between reality and fantasy ( though I think the lesson was learned later in life). As well as a love for my mom. She also taught me that in the end it never was that bad and that somehow I would make it through!

In 6th grade, I had another transition year in my life. I had just moved to California and I went from Riches to Rags in no time (not really but to an 11 year old, it seemed that way) The kids out here were mean and cruel and I truly hated school. But I had a teacher who was understanding, Mrs. Hopper. She taught me how to be accepted and how to accept myself. Her patience and support helped me make it through 6th grade and I continued to love her for many years (especially since she lived near me and I would go by her house a lot!  My friend lived right next door!) She is always in my memories and I loved the impact she made on me!

There is a teacher who meant a lot, though now after all this time, sadly I have forgotten her name.. But I feel she deserves mentioning on this post. She was the special education teacher at our middle school, as well as the drama teacher for my 6th grade class. She taught me a love for theatre, but also supported me when I wanted to help her in her class. When I was in 8th grade, She created a teachers aide position for me. I truly was inspired by her and developed a love for those who could not do things for themselves. She taught me to love everyone, even those who were different. She taught me to stand up to the bullies (Sadly not for myself, but for those who could not do it for themselves) and she gave me a fantastic gift. She created a program during 8th grade Graduation that allowed those who had spent 3 years working with and being “friends” with her students, to share that special moment and “walk” to receive our diplomas with a Special Ed student. I still remember the boy I walked with and truly still feel the joy from 3 years worth of “GOOD WORK”. At one point I thought I would take after her and become a special Education teacher. too bad she did not also teach me patience!!!

In 8th grade, I had the most amazing Science teacher! Mr. Rodgers. I hated Science and was dreading the year ahead.. But Mr. Rodgers was a teacher who engaged and who taught me a love for science! He was very good looking so I think my mini crush on him helped me to pay attention more. However, He taught me a Love and Hate relationship with earthquakes and made me want to find out more! He also had some of the BEST Experiments ever!!! Amazingly he is still at the Middle School I attended and 20 Years later I truly hope that my daughter gets a chance to be in his class (in fact if he is still there in 1 1/2 years I may be requesting for her to be in his class! Poor him! )

In 9th grade I went through another transition- School was boring and sucked for me, I can truly say I HATED IT! – so My mom put me into Independent studies. My Dear Teacher, Mrs. Hockwalt was the first teacher I got in the program, and her loving kindness showed me that I could do anything I dreamed. She inspired me to do better and made me turn my life around. In fact when my daughter first started school I debated putting her into the program because Mrs. Hockwalt taught the kindergartners. I was very sadden to hear when I went to visit though that she would be retiring and would not be continuing the year my daughter would start. But she recommended that I place my daughter in traditional school to begin with to give her a chance to socialize and I appreciate her for that!

There is one more teacher to mention, My Mom. Through everything my Mom taught me.. Maybe not in a classroom way, but My mom became a Big part of My education in 9th grade ( She was there before, but it became bigger than anything in 9th Grade) My mom hounded me and challenged me to do better. For those who do not know about Independent studies it is not all that easy of a program, your on your own for most of it, and you have to get an A or B to pass each section. My mom pushed me and it was not acceptable in our house for me to get below an A. I also had to do the work and had to do some many “Credit’s” each week. With her help I was able to Graduate High School at the age of 16. 2 years before I should have. Thats not the only reason she deserves accolades. During the 2 years I was in Independent Studies I got the pleasure to “work” with my mom. My mom owned her own store and in order to make sure I was doing what I should I went with my mom everyday to work. Trust me there were fights, and days I had to sit in the car because I was so horrid. (believe it or not) But My mom taught me responsibility, She taught me professionalism, she taught me sales and she taught me accounting. By the time we closed the doors of that life adventure, It became our business, and I truly LOVED every second of it. If I could I would go back to those days.. because I truly loved all I learned!

To those in school, sometimes it is the hardest teachers that leave the impacts, the ones that you think hate you because they are “Mean”. Had I not had the Pressure, the love and the caring that I did have, I may not be where i am today.. I am far from where I want to be, but being taught to dream, to work hard and to succeed has helped me to get where I am. Thanks to these Teachers, I can’t wait to see where my next 10 years takes me..

And that being said.. For all the teachers who have to deal with the “MINI” me.. I thank you.. You truly are making an impact on that child’s life (Though the teacher that introduced Manga and Anime to my child, I may not be soooo thankful) 🙂

Lot’s of Love and Thank you’s go out to each and every Teacher out there.. Thank you for choosing the life that you live!!!




Celebrating an Anniversary: A Child’s Special day


Today, March 13 is a very special day to me and my family. It’s the day my mom became mine forever. O.K. So I guess I have some explaining to do..

Reality is my mom has been mine forever, well not really but From the day I was born, she wanted a little girl. and from the day I was born I wanted a mom. I know, I know I just confused you some more. You see, I was not born to my mom. March 13 I was adopted by my mom. She got to chose me, and this little girl (ok.. not so little) got to choose her mom.wpid-20140216_174013.jpg

As a child I spent 6 years in and out of Foster homes. I was in 6 homes from the age of 2 to 6, and all I wanted was to be someone’s. I can still remember the day I first saw my mom. I was attending a regular psychiatrist appointment that the county felt was necessary for kids like me.. I was in the waiting room, waiting my turn to go in, and there were other children I was playing with. and then the most beautiful woman walks in, and she smiled at me.. and she was nice.. I did not really get a chance to talk to her.. But I went home to the foster mom I had, and told her ” I met the woman who’s going to adopt me today”. I had no clue if I would see her again, but from what mom said she went through a lot of trouble to arrange it. (She had a feeling about me, as well)

The next time my mom saw me, she told me that I would see her again. I did not believe her, and she knew that.. I was surprised when my foster worker told me that I was going to go Visit the “Nice Lady from the doctor’s office”. I got to meet my dad and spend the day with my mom, at the end of the day, I remember being asked if I wanted to come live there. I was thrilled.. Someone actually wanted me. I even was allowed to take the doll I was playing with, with me till I came back (kind of as a promise). I had never felt so wanted..

Two years later, the adoption went through, But it was not just about what my mom wanted. The judge took me aside (because at 9,, I had a say) and asked me a whole bunch of questions. But the most important one was, “Do you want to live with your mom?”

March 13, 1991 I got a mom. We have had our hard time. There have been moments when I have said mean  things to my mom, where We seriously thought it was never going to work. But over time, I got over the fears, the anxiety and the ‘terrible” teens, and fell in love with my mom all over again.

March April 2011 146

It’s been 25 years since I came to be with my mom, and 23 since my mom became mine. I’m blessed to be able to say that I got to choose my mom. I love and appreciate her sooo much. I may have been awful and my still act awful some times, but she is mine.

Each year we are able to celebrate a choice we both made, one that I truly hope has made the difference for both of us. I know it made a big difference in my life.. I would not be the person I am today. It’s always fun to be able to celebrate together.. it’s kind of like having an extra birthday, but we both benefit!


I figure, This year I will tell my mom thank you.. I know it’s hard and I know all the sacrifice’s you made. It was not easy adopting an older child who already had a ton of baggage. Thank you for helping me through the baggage, and helping me to grow, and learn..and thank you for not killing me!

I love you for ever and like you for always, as long as I’m living my MOMMY you will be!IMG_9211